State Liquor Issues Volume II

I've already explained the issue of the hours of operation for the State Liquor Stores here in SLC, but I wouldn't be doing this blog any justice not to discuss the shortfalls of the actual stores.

1. Nothing is sold cold. I suppose this is to keep you from immediately guzzling the stuff. No matter, you can still go and buy lower % beer cold at the grocery store. The problem comes when you actually want to drink a decent beer--in my case Newcastle or Peroni--which is not sold at the grocery stores.

2. No mixers of any kind. Not even bottles of Coca-Cola. No margarita mix. No sour mix. Not even margarita salt. No sir (or ma'am) you're going to have to go somewhere else for that.

3. No mini-bottles, half-pints, or pints. Again, I guess that promotes alcoholism. I suppose selling an entire fifth of whiskey is more likely to prevent alcohol abuse?

4. The wine selection is shit. There is a separate store for wines if you want a decent selection of wine (I'm told), but again you're going to be making multiple trips around town if you're planning to have a party or just to have a nice dinner.

5. Price. The prices of the warm beers are astronomical. Contrary to the anti-alcohol slant of the places, you can buy single (warm) beers--which is nice if you want to try something new. Of course there are only about 12 different kinds of beer at the store so you won't need to do that much. As an example: You can buy a single Peroni for $2 or a six-pack for $12. Compare that to the $12 that a 12-pack costs in the mid-west and you start to see what I'm on about.

Oddly, apparently you can bring small children in with you--and no doubt dogs too since I see people bring their dogs inside of almost every store I've been to in town so far.


Liquor laws in general are from the stone ages here. Aside from the issues with buying liquor at the stores there are the problems with the way in which they handle serving liquor at restaurants and bars.

Let's say you'd like a good glass of wine or maybe a decent beer. You're walking by a good looking restaurant and think you'll just pop in and have a pint right quick. Not so fast. You MUST have food if you are going to have a drink in a restaurant. Go back and read that again so that it sinks in. That means you cannot join friends and have a drink and not order food. What if you're not hungry or you've already eaten? Guess you shoulda thought of that first, heathen.

As for bars...there is some confusion on this issue because of the positive press Utah has gotten about this lately. Until July 1 of this year the bars here were run like private clubs. A patron was required to fill out detailed paperwork about themselves and pay an annual membership fee in order to have a drink in a bar. Utah abolished that requirement but some of the bars kept the club style because they liked the free money of the membership dues. What is often left out of the happy news of the change is that in exchange for getting rid of the private clubs Utah created a big-brother system to replace it. Now, when you enter a bar you must hand your ID to the bouncer who then scans it with a special machine. This machine stores all of your ID information for a period of time (some news outlets have said 7 days some have said 60 days) just in case you have a car accident later--that way they can prove you were in a bar beforehand.

As if that isn't enough, there is no free-pour of alcohol in Utah. No alcoholic drink can have more than 1.5 ounces of liquor in it, unless it is a mixed drink which can have no more than 2.5 ounces. Good luck ordering a Long Island Iced Tea then I suppose...

The most hilarious part of all this bullshit is that the people who live here really don't seem to understand just how ridiculous these laws are. To be honest, it is difficult to understand just how annoying the combination of all of these rules are until you spend a couple of days here. I am just happy I didn't move here from Kentucky or any number of southern states where they keep their laws off of your drinking--I can't imagine the shock of going from being able to buy cold single beers at a gas station 7 days a week, 24-hours a day, to living here. If you like to drink recreationally--or like it's your full-time job--I would recommend you stay far away from this entire state.